I don't have to have it all together.

I try and make it a point to have only positive Facebook posts, but this morning I just wasn't feeling it. After another trying morning getting the girls ready to go to the gym with me, my heart was just sad. My Facebook status was " I feel like I just can't get it together most days. Too many moving parts. Too many to do's, too many tasks, not enough me."

It took what seemed like forever to get everyone fed, dressed for cold weather, into the car, then into the gym and to their rooms. I surprised Madelyn and Charlie with a promise that Annabelle would go to her room and they could go swimming with me. They were so excited, smiling non stop, getting a little crazy like they do when they're looking forward to something, and running around like they'd hit the jackpot.
And then I realize I packed for everyone but me. There was only an hour left of available daycare, it would take 10 minutes to get into the pool and even longer to get everyone back out. I thought about taking all 3 of them but I couldn't keep all 3 of them safe by myself so I had to tell them we couldn't swim. Another broken promise made by mom.

I felt guilty. I feel guilty a lot. I felt guilty getting to sleep later than David, losing my temper when I asked Madelyn to get her shoes on for the 4th time, guilty for forgetting my swimsuit and ruining our fun time, guilty for just wanting to sit on the couch and relax when we got home because the 1.5 hour long trip to Wal-Mart completely drained all the energy I had. Guilty for not being at home when David got there for lunch. Guilty for feeling guilty over stupid things that don't actually matter AT ALL.

 

 

So to try and turn things around we bought some supplies at Wal-Mart to do a project I saw on the internet. It was melting crayons into fun shapes and rainbow colors. Pretty simple and the girls loved it. To be truthful they completely forgot about swimming and just wanted to do something with their mom. Not the mom who breaks promises or gets upset, but the mom that they love unconditionally. I totally tried to get Christopher in on it, but he's too old and not interested in little kid projects anymore. I did wrangle a picture out of him though, and I'm going to make sure he and his dad have some fun time together tomorrow. I try. David tries. We try. That's all we can do.

This boy. This boy with a kind heart that he wears on his sleeve.
His God has amazing plans in store for him.


 

And before the afternoon was over I realized, I don't have to have it all together. No one has to have it all together because God has it all together. My God has me in his hands and he will never lead me astray. I am a good mom, I love my children so much it hurts, and I try my best to show them God's love but I will fail. Men will always fail you. So never put your complete faith and trust in mankind. I put my faith in Jesus Christ, the redeemer of my soul. He never fails, but it's okay when I do because he's there to pick up the pieces and put them together again.

Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11

Love,
Lisa